Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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