i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
