hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
