How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
