i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
