She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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