So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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