just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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