Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
whose ass print is on the piano?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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