She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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