My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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