he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
