I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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