great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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