This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
