i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
