Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
