"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
