Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Someone came in the potted fern
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
