fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
