there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
