I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
