Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
