Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
