as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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