im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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