Swine flu. Run for my life!
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
