I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
