Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
