So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
