He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
