i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
