He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I supernannyed him into submission
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
