I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
