Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Randomize
