CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
