after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
