shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
