just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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