A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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