that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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