can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
