This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
