I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
