8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
