In America we eat man semen.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
