Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
