I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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