I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So gin and wine won't be happening again
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Randomize
