I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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